Q & A. Your Plus One.

Q: We are having an "adult" wedding on a budget. How do we let our guests know who is invited to our wedding?

A: Including an inner envelope is the best way to let guests know who is invited to your wedding. (more on addressing inner and outer envelopes) Guests lists are the hardest part of planning a wedding. Not inviting children is perfectly acceptable, but can be a touchy subject. Use the outer envelope to address the invitation and the inner envelope to let the household know who is invited. For example, your outer envelope would be addressed like this:

Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Smith
1234 Walla Walla Lane
Shady Lane, Wisconsin 12345

Greg and Sally have two young children, Jake and Melissa. If you are not including children in your guest list, then your internal would be like this:

Greg and Sally

The omission of the names of their children is the indication that only Greg and Sally are invited.

The same goes for your "and Guest". Allowing unmarried guests to bring a significant other is great, especially if they don't know anyone else at the wedding. Although, if you have a lot of unmarried friends, allowing all of them to bring a guest can make your budget skyrocket. If you are concerned about your budget, and want to make sure everyone is included on your big day, it is acceptable to not include "and Guest" on your invitations. This way, you don't have to feel like you are excluding guests, who you are close to and want as a part of your day, just so someone can bring a complete stranger to your wedding. If you have unmarried guests, you can address their outer envelope like this:

Mr. Nate Smith
1234 Walla Walla Lane
Shady Lane, Wisconsin 12345

The inner envelope should include, either "and Guest" or their partner's name, if you know it (and you know they will be together at the wedding!).

Nate and Guest

or

Nate and Susan

Use your family and wedding party to help spread the word when asked about children or the +1's. If guests respond that they are bringing their children or a date, then it is best to give them a call and let them know that children and extra's are not included in the wedding. Your guests should understand and realize that all adult weddings can be uncomfortable for children and adding +1's who are strangers, can add costs across the board.

Response cards are also a good way to indicate and remind who is invited. I like to use person(s) to indicate that singles have been invited, and it is a reminder to invitee's to include 1 in their response number if they have received an invitation only addressed to them.

___ person(s) will attend ___ decline with regret


Obviously, there are different traditions and expectations for everyone around the country. It is best to do what you are comfortable with doing. Etiquette can be very overwhelming - especially for weddings. Use these rules and guidelines to make your own decisions. Often, you will end up making the right decision for you and your event.